I'm not Super Woman

I know this may come as a shock to some people, but I am not Super Woman. :)  Wow!  Glad I got that off my chest! :)


Seriously, I think that it is very common as women, and definitely as moms, to look around us and imagine that everyone else has everything together.  We must be the only ones who struggle with keeping our house intact, keeping our families fed and clothed, disciplining our children, etc.  (Maybe it's just me...and if it is, then I am really, genuinely happy for everyone else!)  I know that I struggle with comparing myself to other people.  Well, really not even that.  I find myself comparing myself to the near-perfection that I imagine others to be.  The more I look around, the more I convince myself that everyone else is doing a better job, and maybe there is just something wrong with me.  The truth is, it is simply not true.


I have struggled a lot with this issue all of my life.  (Here is the part where I get rather transparent.)  For as long as I can remember, my greatest fear was that the people that I love and care about would come to realize that I really wasn't good enough, and they would leave.  That's a really, really scary thought.  So, I put tremendous amounts of time and effort into trying to make myself appear as though I had things together.  I had to look smart enough (but not too smart that it would turn people off).  Here is how dysfunctional this got to be: In the course of conversation, someone might ask the name of a particular book, movie, etc.  However, even if I knew the answer, I would sometimes act like I didn't because I didn't want to be seen as a know-it-all.  I still find myself fighting with this, even though I know how ridiculous it is.  The problem is, trying to appear nearly-perfect is really, really exhausting!  Every single thing you say or do has to be filtered to make sure that it fits with the persona you are trying to portray (you know, one that is close enough to perfect to make everything think she is great without being so perfect that people don't want to be around you.)  It is more than a full-time job, and it is completely mentally and physically exhausting.  And not only is it impossibly impractical, it completely robs you of actually living and enjoying life.  


Over the past few years, I have come to understand all of this a little better, and I have learned (the hard way) that the source of all of this is pride.  Not the "Hey, I did a pretty good job on this!  Yay me!" kind of pride.  I mean the kind of pride that says "I don't need anyone else because I can do everything on my own" kind of pride.  The kind of pride that God mentions many, many times in the Bible.  The kind that robs us of joy, hardens our hearts and separates us from God.  


Probably my greatest lesson in this area is the time that I spent on partial bed-rest during 3 out of 4 of my pregnancies.  During the first two times, I still clung to the idea that I could still handle everything and I didn't really need any outside help.  (I just want to clarify that the "outside help" thing didn't apply to Randy.  He helped out TREMENDOUSLY with the kids, meals, house work, laundry, etc.  But, he still had to work also, and that meant that there was a lot to take care of.)  I figured that even if I wasn't really supposed to be out shopping, it was probably easier for me to just do the grocery shopping since I knew what all needed to be purchased, and besides it gets a little monotonous just sitting at home all day.  Needless to say, I did a lot more than what was recommended, and both of them were born around a month early.  (Praise God they were both healthy and able to come home right away!)  


So, this last time, I knew that I had to do better.  I had to listen and follow doctor's orders, not just for me but most of all for our baby.  Randy did a wonderful job of lovingly but firmly telling me to sit down and rest like I was supposed to.  I just have to say, at first the idea of bed-rest sounds lovely!  I mean, being "forced" to just sit around and relax and have other people take care of the chores and basically wait on you while you watch tv, read a book or whatever.  And for the first few hours, it really is a lovely break.  But it doesn't take very long for it to become rather monotonous and tedious.  Pretty soon you find yourself ready to go crazy from boredom!  (Thank you SO much to my friend Becky for having taught me how to crochet just a couple weeks beforehand.  It really was my sanity-saver!)  Anyway, the monotony is not the worst part.  The worst part BY FAR is knowing that you cannot do the things you need to do to take care of your family.  The worst part is knowing that you need help.  Every fiber in my being wanted to smile and say "No, we are doing just fine!" every time someone offered to help out in some way.  I desperately wanted to keep up the facade that I had everything under control.  But I didn't, and I couldn't.  And humbly accepting that help was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.  Don't get me wrong- the delicious, home-cooked meals were not terribly hard to accept.  But having other people come into your home to clean and scrub while you just sit there, unable to help, is incredibly difficult. 


Through this experience, I came to understand several important truths.  First, I am NOT Super Woman.  (I know this should be obvious, and it really was, but it can still be hard to admit.)  Second, I cannot do everything by myself.  Third, I was never meant to do everything by myself.  God NEVER intended for us to face the challenges of this life in our own strength.  That is why Jesus calls us to come to Him, lean on Him and let Him carry us and our burdens.  We simply do not have the ability and strength on our own, and if we try, we will just find ourselves burned out and exhausted.  Fourth, not only do we have God to rely on, but He has placed people in our lives for a reason.  When people offer to help us or serve us in some way, they are obeying God's call, serving Him and showing His love, and they will be blessed for that.  When we reject that help, we are denying them the opportunity to be blessed.  This was kind of a shocking truth for me.  When I see a friend or loved one having a difficult time with something, I do not ever look at them and think "Wow!  That's so sad!  If they were a better person and had things together better, they might be able to do a better job and take care of everything themselves!  That's really a shame!"  I think "Wow!  I am so sorry to see someone I love struggling and I know how hard it can be, and I would LOVE to be able to help them out in any way!" We don't look down on our friends when they are struggling, so why do we assume that other people would think that way of us when we are struggling?  The truth is that this is a lie that Satan uses to try to isolate us and make us think that we have to rely on ourselves and our own abilities.  It is something that permeates our culture- the idea that we should be able to be totally independent and do it all and have it all without any help from anyone.  That is not how we were meant to live.  And every time I look at our precious children, I am reminded of just how blessed I am to have friends and family who love me for who I am (not who I try to pretend to be) and most of all, for a God who loves me just the way He created me to be.  I'm not Super Woman, and that's ok.